You are not a beautiful flower
I will plead ignorance to any impact I may have had on your demise and I will not mourn your passing.
Dear flower,
You are so beautiful and for that I will pluck you from your brethren and expedite your death. For days I will watch as your beauty fades. Your fragrance will dissipate and so will my attention. I will remember and long for you as the flower you were and never be satisfied by the flower you are becoming. I will plead ignorance to any impact I may have had on your demise and I will not mourn your passing.
Because you are just a flower. You were once beautiful. You have served your purpose and I have no more need of you.
Sincerely, The one who chose you
Dear Reader,
You are not a beautiful flower, picked at it's prime. You are a person. You were meant for more than just to be beautiful for someone else's pleasure. You can have a legacy that is remembered through the ages. Always remember the person you were and use their experience as strength as you run towards and define the person you are becoming. Take responsibility for your life and use it serve others.
Because you are not a flower. You will always be beautiful. You serve a purpose and the world needs you.
Sincerely, Jasmine
Walking the Walk
Sometimes I don't want to fight. I don't want to have to be strong for the people who will come after me. I just want to sit and sulk and cry and for things to just be different. But then I see someone else's light because I've surrounded myself with just the right people and they love on me in little ways that aren't always clear to them and just like that the fire is stoked.
I can't remember who or what it was. It could've been my parents. It could've been all the PBS I watched. It could've been all the children's books I read about dreaming, wanting, and doing. It could've been my youth pastor who helped me see that I was meant to serve.
Someone put a fire in me. A fire that makes me want to do more, be more, and not accept the world for what it is. Someone else helped me temper that fire so I could pick my battles, create strategies and execute with grace and precision. It's like one day I just woke up from a haze of floating through life and it began.
I see problems in my life: the way people are treated, the way that some systems were built, and the fear that hinders people from taking their next step. Dozens of problems, big and small, old and new. Sometimes there's such an overwhelming amount of darkness it feels that it may not be worth it to be a light. I can't help everyone or fix everything. What is the point.
But I want to be a part of a solution. I refuse to feel helpless. Like there is nothing I can do to make change. I don't care if I'm just one person. I want to believe I can do anything. Not because I can but because then I will try. You can't take away my desire to try. Or fail. But at least I tried.
Sometimes I have to settle with the truth that in the end only my perspective has been changed. I think that counts.
Sometimes I don't want to fight. I don't want to have to be strong for the people who will come after me. I just want to sit and sulk and cry and for things to just be different. But then I see someone else's light because I've surrounded myself with just the right people and they love on me in little ways that aren't always clear to them and just like that the fire is stoked.
Thank you to all the people who help me be me. I'm doing my best and you know that but you may not understand that with the small ways that you impact my life you enable me to live my life serving others the way you have served me.
#greaterthanthesumofourparts
Work haikus
I wrote some haikus about work.
Take a deep breath, write a haiku, carry on. These are from a particularly tough week. Why no good day haikus? Because on the good days my energy is poured into the work I do and the people I work with. These haikus were meant to encapsulate a moment, affirm that it existed and as a reminder of how small the moment was in the light of eternity.
Even days when you are following your passion, or living your dream, can be hard. I was taught not to give up when things are hard. I was taught that the way I carried myself through hard times was a truer reflection of my character than many other times. To share joy that cannot be stolen by events of this world I take a moment, release the stress, and recognize the strength that fills me is not my own.
Cool, fresh, morning air
Inbox full of unread mail
Time to get it done
Talk but don't listen
Where are all the markers at?
How not to meeting
What is your status?
What is the priority?
So this is agile
Coffee, more coffee
I don't need to eat today
I am burning out
Don't build it like that
New designs are due today
Now the feature's cut
It is 5PM
There's too much work to leave now
This has to ship soon
Dinner on the go
Red bang mails are coming in
On my way in now
Work in industry
Get all the monies and perks
Can you tough it out?
Kintsugi as an analogy of God's grace.
275 word analogy of Kintsugi and God's grace.
This plate is an example of what one may try to be when people are watching: perfect, pure, clean and having the appearance that everything in order.
But I feel like this this plate is more realistic depiction of how we actually are or can sometimes feel on the inside: broken from the challenges of life, just trying to hold it together to get through the day.
Here's where the analogy starts: Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. At the end of the process you have a piece of art work that is more beautiful than it was before it was broken, because it was broken.
Below is epoxy mixed with gold dust. It symbolizes God's grace. I like to think if it as an infinite, all encompassing, life changing mix of forgiveness and love.
God's grace doesn't make us perfect but it does set us free. Free from what you ask? From guilt, from shame and embarrassment, from thinking that we are not good enough, from thinking that we need to be something we're not, from societal standards, from hurt and anger, from bitterness and hopelessness, from sin. God's grace gives us a right lens through which to to see ourselves and an example of the way we should treat others.
So like this plate I am glad to have been both broken and a recipient of God's grace. I can remember that the struggles I have been through, that God has brought me through, as beautiful marks that built me into the person I was always meant to be.
Change The World - Hour of Code 2015
I had another great opportunity to work with with Code.org for Hour of Code (as a member of Team Xbox) and to share my thought on how getting more women into computing can really change the world. I was honored to "co-star" with some other amazing women who are doing big things including Sheryl Sandberg, Karlie Kloss, May-Li Khoe, Mia Epner, Alice Steinglass, Jess Lee, Jessica Alba, Paola Mejía Minaya, Malala Yousafzai, and Susan Wojcicki.
HCDE 511 Final Visualization
This is a project I worked on for my information visualization class. I'm debating whether or not i want to make a portfolio showcasing more of my work from grad school.
You can find the visualization here
Code.org: Learn how the Internet actually works
I recently partnered with Code.org (as a member of Team Xbox) to help explain one of life's great mysteries. I had a great time co-hosting with Tumblr founder David Karp.
You can find the Code.org blog post here and my video below.
On Stage at Gamescom 2015
I really should update my blog when more awesome stuff happens to me. Like the giant picture of my face in this POLYGON ARTICLE. Check out the briefing I was honored to participate in below. Check out my segment at 1:07:15
I'm going to write down words until they start making sense.
I didn't know why I was writing but it set me free.
I think that having a personal blog has given me the courage to find the freedom in saying to strangers and friends, "Sometimes, I'm not okay." I think that most people are familiar with the concept of Facebook being a "highlight reel" and this is not a statement of that being right or wrong. It's just related commentary on my own experience that having an outlet to humanize yourself by admitting that you are weak, unsure and sometimes broken is amazingly liberating.
Jasmine, your hair is different, again!
Doing my hair was a burden. It was pretty high up on the list of my sources of stress. Maybe this sounds like a typical complaint from a women but it really had a negative effect on my life.
Who is your favorite cartoon character? Do you remember their signature outfit and tag line? Do you remember how their character developed and how easily you could guess how they would respond to the curious situations they were scripted into each week?
Despite the circumstances that swirled around them their outfit and, more importantly to me, their hair stayed the same.
I can't image a world where my outlets of self expression were so stagnant and stale. If you spend any time with me on a regular basis you know that my hair style changes every few days. It's not because I can't make up my mind. It's not because I'm easily swayed by passing trends. It's because until a few years ago I wasn't aware of all the possibilities of styles I had with my hair.
Doing my hair was a burden. It was pretty high up on the list of my sources of stress. Maybe this sounds like a typical complaint from a women but it really had a negative effect on my life. I wanted to be beautiful and back then I never considered myself a judge of what was beautiful. This was especially true when it came to judging myself. I ignored my parents and instead I absorbed my idea of beauty from public media. From what I saw, it was my understanding that nothing was more beautiful than long, straight hair. So after losing most of my hair at age 11 to a chemical relaxer (that I thought would give me long, straight hair) and looking in the mirror at the bald spots on my scalp I was pretty sure that I was never going to be beautiful.
Don't worry, this story has a happy "ending." It was more like a wonderful beginning. I got my hair to grow back and I made some products to try and help other women like me. I opened up to people about something that had once made me feel so isolated and embraced the support and feedback of women around the world. Be it through in-person meet ups, YouTube, Instagram or Twitter, I meet people who are constantly redefining and re-imagining what it means to be beautiful. They continue to inspire me to not be afraid and to try new things always.
The way my hair looks sometimes makes me feel strong. Sometimes it makes me feel playful. Sometimes it's just whatever because I had laundry AND homework to do the night before. The key thing is that it's always changing and growing and so am I. I don't change my hair because I need attention. I do it because in the hours I spend washing, drying, and styling it I remind myself that I can be beautiful and I can be different and the only person who holds me accountable for being me is me.
Photo Credits: I Love My Hair