I can feel the anxiety crawling out from the unsurrendered parts of my heart. It wraps its arms around my throat so my breath is short and scarce. My heart is pounding. My stomach is in knots and "what ifs" are fluttering like wasps inside my brain.

I close my eyes and beg for peace and silence. Clicking, scrolling and searching for an outlet for the massive weight crushing my chest and draining my optimism.

All I can think of is things to stop, things I'm going to lose and hard decisions bound to be ripe with bitterness and regret.

I ask Lord make me strong. Lord show me the way. I tighten my grip on my life and my situation.

I pray God change these people. Jesus make me like you. Only he can change me to be who I need to be to make it through. I'm not enough.

I shout Lord have your way and pour out every ounce of faith I can muster. It all goes black. Silence envelopes me.

I am alone floating in space with God. Whispering his age old promises. Suddenly I remember who He is but I still struggle daily to live as though His words are true.

What will it take?